here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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