That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
