Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Randomize
