i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
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how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
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eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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