I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Randomize
