new low.... made out with someone while peeing
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
