It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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