i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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