so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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