Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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