I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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