I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
