I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
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