Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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