I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Randomize
