I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
