If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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