I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
So much Jack, so little girl.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Randomize
