I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize