You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
