it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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