I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
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