Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
