I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
