Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
