well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
