question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
