True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
