Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
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