I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Randomize
