Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
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