Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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