you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
