Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
