I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize
