spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
