I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear