I just saw a hot homeless man
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
