Texts From Last Night

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  (408): View more from California

  ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me

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  (408): ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me http://tfl.nu/23c1
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious

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  (847): The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious http://tfl.nu/2wct
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"

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  (717): I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal" http://tfl.nu/9g1t
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  (785): View more from Kansas

  Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.

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  (785): Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless. http://tfl.nu/9j3y
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.

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  (240): You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool. http://tfl.nu/7f4d
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  (714): View more from California

  It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time

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  (714): It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time http://tfl.nu/v4kt
  Replies (32) Good night (1663) Bad night (4985) Order T-Shirt
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  (607): View more from New York

  Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high

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  (607): Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high http://tfl.nu/24mk
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  (917): View more from New York City

  when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.

  (917): View more from New York City

  Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.

  (347): View more from New York

  he is a god among men.

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  (917): when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment. (917): Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles. (347): he is a god among men. http://tfl.nu/gmep
  Replies (51) Good night (7545) Bad night (743)
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  (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.

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  (401): Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks. http://tfl.nu/etsv
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go

  (319): View more from Iowa

  IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS

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  (906): cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go (319): IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS http://tfl.nu/nt8z
  Replies (10) Good night (824) Bad night (1638)
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  (406): View more from Montana

  the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here

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  (406): the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here http://tfl.nu/np6z
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  Why am I feeling up grandma?!

  (312): View more from Illinois

  I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.

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  (248): Why am I feeling up grandma?! (312): I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text. http://tfl.nu/znfl
  Replies (2) Good night (1164) Bad night (366)
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  (847): View more from Illinois

  I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.

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  (847): I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time. http://tfl.nu/5b3l
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  (240): View more from Maryland

  Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you

  (1-240): View more from Maryland

  Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina

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  (240): Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you (1-240): Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina http://tfl.nu/ytzu
  Replies (8) Good night (1543) Bad night (155)
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  (828): View more from North Carolina

  At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"

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  (828): At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing" http://tfl.nu/dl2i
  Replies (9) Good night (887) Bad night (115) Order T-Shirt

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