Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night