i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.