ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
