i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
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