i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
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My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
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He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.