this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
