Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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