i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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