I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
one might say we're banned from that church
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Randomize
