dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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