Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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