he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
