Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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