Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize