i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
