I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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