thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
