We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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