if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
Randomize
