its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
