I want to stick my p in your. b.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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