I can tuck mytits in my pants
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
this is an emotional support booty call
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
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