k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
This is classic penis vs brain.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
