Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
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We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
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He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
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