the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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