Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
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There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
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this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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