She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
Randomize
