Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Randomize
