I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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