ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
