My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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