the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
