HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
