I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
sarcasm needs its own font
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
