I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
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