you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
We left the knife in your bed.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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