I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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