so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
Randomize
