based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
