Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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