Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
