So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
