so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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