what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
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